Thinking

The title says exactly what I've been doing. And I get told I do it TOO much, but at times like now when I am especially irritated, that's seems to be all I CAN do. So hopefully this all makes sense. And it might sound more like a journal entry so sorry its just my thoughts.

Okay so I've been wishing that I knew how certain thins in my life have turned out as I'm sure many people do. But I get so frustrated with things that i wish I knew how things will be in 2 years or 5 or whenever. Not that I think too much about the future like that. I've taught myself to worry about today only get through a day and get a glimpse of the weekend or next few days or month or whatever depending on what's going on. But I've learned that if I worry about too much of the future I stress and make myself sick without even really knowing it. And I LOATHE being sick.

Anyway as I've thought of wanting to know how some things in my life turn out in a few years I also thought that that would take away our (or rather my since it would only be me knowing) choosing right or wrong choices, or in other words freedom. And I know that wouldn't be right cause I would know the path I will be in or what I need to do to get there. But it could also lead to more disaster because I would be trying to lead it in that direction and worry or stress about things that wouldn't get me there. (I hope this is all making sense)So I've thought would I really really want to know? Would I really be prepared to handle everything I would see if such a thing were possible? I read so many different things to try and keep my perspective straight on all things in my life as well as to learn more, but the thing that really gets me thinking is my Patriarchal Blessing. Which in some ways I guess you could say it does tell you things of your future just not in full description. And maybe that is why it makes me think so much. I keep coming up with questions every time I read it, wondering who could answer them for me. And then I remind myself that I need to Trust in the Lord! He knows all things! He knows what's best for me and what I can handle and what I cannot! He can and will help me through anything and everything that I want or need help with! All my questions will in time be answered and I will know then why I needed to wait to hear them. I understand that and believe that whole heartedly! I only get frustrated and I need to remember that "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride" and "He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be WORTH it!"

So at times like now, I try to remember to calm myself down and remind myself of everything I know and to Trust in the Lord for he knows ALL! That usually works if I keep those thoughts forefront in my mind. And so like now I feel at peace and I have successfully calmed myself down.... now only to keep me here.... lol!!!